So as of late I have been trying to get myself better every since my break up. At time I face struggles which will make me slip and fall but there are certain things and people in my life I look to now to keep myself on track. Once I remember that there are people in my life who do appreciate me then I begin to understand that I must continue down my path of to obtain my full happiness. First of all I want to thank Ms Marcia Gilmore-Franklin who introduced me to this wonderful gospel group Shekinah Glory Ministries and this wonderful song they sing "Jesus". His song pretty much drains all the negativity inside my soul and replaces it with positive thoughts. I have posted the videos for your viewing pleasure.
Next I would also like to thank my family who I really realize loves me to death no matter what. For awhile I thought I was some kind of failure, dissapointment to them and felt shame. But they told me that they love me and they love me no matter what. To my family I love you very much.
Next I want to say thank you to a lady whom every time I talk to makes me feel good about myself, and lets me know I am not alone in this. She has been supporting, upliffting, and asuper lady just to hold conversation with. She assures me things will get better in time and does not judge me for being emotional because she knows that I am going through a hard time and am climbing out my hole slowly but surely. She understands and assures me that it will take time for me to heal and is standing by me to do so. I want to thank Star for being there for me 24/7. baby girl I do appreciate you, and I appreciate you very much.
Last but not least I want to say to all those people who have takin the time to write me, call me, message me, tweet me, or anything else to assure me that all will be ok, that all will be fine, that all wounds heal with time. I appreciate you very much. I now understand how many people have love for your boy and thats another reason why when I begin to fall back into my whole I think of your positive words and catch a hold of that wall and continue my climb upward. Strawberri, Tomeka, Platinum, LaChele, Roni, all the gals of SDE, Mz Booty, and Other ladies who spoke words of kindness you will always have a place in my heart. Mr. HollaOut, Bro you aare the best. Thanks for your awsome words. Hopefully I can now keep my eyes focused forward and keep the past away from me.
Once upon a time I used to be a very happy camper, loving life and taking it one day at a time. Till one day I gave my heart to someone. Now because of the way I feel about that person I feel like I am loosing my mind. Because of this I have lost my will, my motivation, my outlook, my being who I am. I sit and cry on occasion because of the way I feel. As I type this I am crying now. I try to use things that matter to me as an escape but the reality is that my reality out ways my fantasy thus i can never cheat my reality. Thus always reminded of my suffering. How can I over come when I have no help. How can. I think what has happen to me is that my emotions of love and caring have turned on me which has left me weak minded, gullible, and with no back bone. How do I come back from that. Now I find myself turning mean, and heart full of hate. I think one of my favorite movies has a meaning in it that NOW applies to me. "Hurt leads to pain, pain leads to anger, anger leads to the darkside of the force". I fear that I am a road in my life that could be negative because of the recent activities, Thus My hurt has lead to my pain, my pain is leading to my suffering, my suffering has made me a more angry person, and I think my anger will lead me to a dark part of my life. I remember once when I was a happy person, but now cause of love that is no more.
