Losing myself slowly

Take a look at this photo. You would think that this was two people in everlasting love. How could something so right go so wrong so quick. Let me tell you people I wish I had the answer to that question. I wonder why sometimes god gives us these feelings of love. I mean it is a double edged sword. When the feelings are great (meaning love), you are on cloud nine, the day seems to be a lil bit brighter, problems seem to be non exsistant, everything seems to be OK. But when that love is turned with in, it seems to be like the world is on your shoulders, every negative in your life intensifies, other negative emotions seem to become greater. Ya know for the last month or so I have been getting alot of people telling me that I need to try to move on, or I need to try to forget, or I need to do something for myself, or just need to occupy my time to keep it off my mind. Well all that is easier said than done. I would love to just wipe all that away so I can start a new. But I am always reminded everyday about the Tattoo on my left shoulder that says "Her Name" on my arm. I am reminded everyday because I see her everyday online. I am reminded because everyday I see her as the background image on my XBOX 360. I am reminded everyday because I have several great memories of us. So just GETTING OVER IT is not a simple solution. Which now brings me to this, I use to be a very nice person, care for people, try to be a friend to those who need a shoulder to lean on, try to give benifit of the doubt to everyone, try to be full of laughter and not take things so serious, I tried to love and give my heart to one person. Now I am a bitter guy, does not give a shit about anything or anybody now. I quit trying to help those in need, I stopped smiling and laughing cause now I have nothing to smile or laugh about. Right now I do not care if I live or die. I am angry and heartless and really dont care. Why because my heart was crushed. Response from the public is that one person should not have that much control over myself. My response is that that person does because I became too loving and I gave my heart to her. Now I will be that person that I feared ever becoming. That angry old man on his porch in the rocking chair. Now for those who think its a "Pity Party" for myself it isn't. I have been hit hard and I have been hit very hard by this. I have no one to talk to and no one to vent to. My only outlet is my Social networks. I guess I just came to a point where my life is open now. I mean what the hell do I have to loose right? So I vent and I vent on facebook, and I vent on twitter, and I vent on myspace, and I vent on my blog. At least I feel a smidge better when I do vent. Lastly Because of this relationship's crash and burn I have lost alot of things about myself. I have lost happiness, self-confidence, my will, self-respect, motivation, pride, sanity, and well being. Once again this falls under the what someone says "letting someone have to much control over me". Why because no one should ever be able to strip me of those things. Well like I said when you truely care for someone and truely hold them close to your heart, and truely love them they will be able to have control. So people this is what is happening to me and this is something I wanted to share. So the next time I post on my social sites, for me its a way of letting go.

Madden Holiday (Happy Maddenoliday)

Its another year, and that means another year of Madden NFL. This years version, Madden NFL 2010, has finally made it. For those who do not know. Madden is a way of life. It is its own religion. People lose friends, jobs, money, and other stuff over this game. The franchise is highly competative and will cause you to be indoors all day when it first comes out. Most hardcore gamers get to the store at midnight to pick up their games to get an early start on the competetion. I admit it is a fun game and really causes me to not play most of the other games I have in my Stash. So to all my other Madden-Nites. Happy Madden Holliday. Football season is officially here.

The Road to My Happiness

Today I figured out the things in my life that will put me onto the road of happiness. I know for me in order to be happy I must start inward and work outward. First of all I must Love me. A lot of my friends have been telling me this for the last year and I have begun to realize what they mean. Second of all I must make changes in my life and discard all the negative vibes that surround me and surround myself with very positive things. Next I must do things that I love, Things that make me happy. I need to stop worring about what others say. Next when all the inside is done I will start with the outside and give myself a life make over. Last if I choose so I will find someone who will Love me and allow me to love them. To me this seems like a challenge because I am 36 years old and that my life is getting short. But with God's guidence and all my friends support I will succed. Let the pursuit of happiness began. This is the part that I call the "The New Begining".

Eric